Philosophical wimp

On a monthly basis, in a quiet suburban yard in the modern metropolis of Melbourne, a collection of guys brave the notorious Melbourne weather conditions to assemble around an open fire and get in on in the 'Mens Fire Circle'. Last week, the Mens Fire-Circle commemorated its fourth birthday, and in acknowledgment of the landmark, I met with the facilitator and originator of the 'Mens Fire Circle', David Mollet, to learn a bit more regarding what the group does and why it began in the first place.

Reporter "So David, what led to you beginning the Men's Fire Circle?"

"It was just after I turned the big 'five-O'. I felt it was a fairly notable landmark and then in the days shortly thereafter I noticed myself reflecting on life, and in the middle of all that contemplation, one of the subjects I was turning over that really captured my attention was just how discontented I was with the spiritual leadership offered in this society. It appears to be that our religious establishments have divested the majority of their ethical authority, and then I found myself fantasising about exactly what my life might feel like if I inhabited a hunter-gatherer culture where individuals perceived themselves as an integral part of a tribal community ... It was about then that a different voice (in my mind) spoke with me stating "You have now turned fifty Dave, that means you're an elder, so what are you planning to do about it, whine and pretend you are a baby or man up, be a leader and then be part of the solution."

"That idea truly hit home and so I decided to initiate a Mens group based upon the time-honored tribal values of Men meeting around fire to talk about men's issues, and the idea for the Mens Fire Circle was created."

Reporter: "Why did you pick a Men's Circle, why not just a circle for every person?"

"That's an excellent query. At the time I really felt a clear aspiration to look in the direction of tribal societies for my vision. I wanted to return to something closer to nature, and it seemed to me that in tribal cultures there was a definite importance placed on initiation events and a recognition of both the different needs, and also the specific roles encompassed by each gender. Moreover I saw that if in their discernment, tribal leaders had witnessed merit in males and females getting together by their gender to examine as well as shed light for each other with the particular life experiences common to their own gender, accordingly I concluded, it would be an excellent approach for the fire-circle I create to respect their insight too."

Reporter: "How have you noticed the gender restricted parameters to operate, is it beneficial or do you miss the equilibrium of the female aspect?"

"At first I was worried about this, yet paradoxically, what I have indeed seen is that it seems to be easier for most guys to be in touch with the feminine aspect of themselves in circle if women are not there. I sense that there are two points contributing to this. One is that, more often than not guys will broach dilemmas they're dealing with in their personal relationships, and doing that solely with their own gender seems to supply them a little bit more ease to exchange freely and frankly about how they feel concerning 'the woman' in their lives. I think they sense that other guys will likely be able to comprehend their problems more effectively. Maybe it's due to the fact that we've all shared equivalent cultural conditioning, so we are running our lives from similar expectations.

The second thing is, when the fire-circle is all men, there aren't any sex-related diversions. There's no playing for the attention of females, no seeking to "make it" with the opposite sex. With any potential sex-related diversions set aside, this appears to empower everyone to be more no holds barred in their sharing."

The Men's Fire Circle convenes in the evening once a month, in Greensborough, a residential area of Melbourne, in Victoria, Australia. To locate the internet site with all the details of upcoming get-togethers, and also the option of registering for e-mail alerts of the meetings, just click on the link above or copy and paste this URL: http://www.meetup.com/Mens-Fire-Circle-Greensborough-Victoria/

Awareness has been growing of the need for groups to support men to deal effectively with lifes chalenges. In a recent interview following the 4th anniversary of one such group we explored what caused one of them to come into being.

Once a month, in a modest suburban back yard in the present day metropolitan area of Melbourne, a group of guys, fly in the face of the infamous Melbourne weather to sit around an outdoor fire and take part in the 'Men's Fire Circle'. Just recently, the Mens Fire-Circle enjoyed its fourth anniversary, and in recognition of the landmark, I met with the organizer and creator of the Mens Fire Circle, David Mollet, to learn a little bit more concerning what the community does and why it began.

Reporter "So what led to you establishing the Men's Fire Circle?"

"It was around the time of my 50th birthday celebration. For me I felt it was a fairly major turning point and in the days to follow I found myself reflecting on life, and in the middle of all of that contemplation, one of the issues I was turning over that really captured my attention was the way in which I was not satisfied with the spiritual leadership offered in my society. It appears to be that our religious institutions have squandered the majority of their ethical authority, and then I found myself fantasising about what my life would feel like if I lived in a tribe where individuals saw themselves as an integral part of a tribe ... It was about then that a separate voice (in my mind) spoke with me saying "You have just turned 50 Dave, that makes you an elder, so what are you intending to do about it, guts-ache and be a victim or lift, be a leader and be part of the solution."

"That thought certainly made me sit up and take notice and I decided to begin a group for men based upon the old ancient tribal values of Men gathering around fire to talk about men's concerns, and the inspiration for the Mens Fire Circle was born."

Interviewer: "Why did you go for a Men's Circle, why not just a circle for everyone?"

"That's an excellent question. At the time I really felt a powerful desire to look towards tribal societies for my approach. I really wanted to get back to something closer to nature, also it appeared to me that in tribal cultures there was a real highlight placed on rites of passage events as well as an understanding of both the varying needs, as well as the specific roles encompassed by each of the sexes. Additionally I really felt that if in their discernment, leaders of tribes had witnessed merit in males and females assembling by their gender to share and also advise each other with the specific challenges common to their own gender, then I concluded, it would definitely be a wise decision for the fire-circle I create to honour that path also."

Reporter: "To what degree have you discovered the gender restricted design to function, is it of value or do you miss the equilibrium of the feminine?"

"At first I was worried about this, yet paradoxically, what I have noticed is that it appears to be much easier for many men to be in touch with their feminine side in circle if females are absent. I believe that there are 2 points at play with this. One is that, more often than not men want to relate concerns they're dealing with in their intimate partnerships, and doing that solely with their own gender seems to permit them a little bit of added leeway to impart freely and genuinely about how they feel relative to 'the female' in their lives. I think they perceive that other guys are often able to grasp their concerns a lot better. Possibly it's due to the fact that we've all shared the same cultural conditioning, so we are conducting our lives from comparable premises.

The second factor is that when the fire-circle is all males, there aren't any sex-related interferences. There's no bidding for the attention of the women, no undertaking to "make it" with the opposite sex. With any type of prospective sex-related complications set aside, this shows every sign of allowing everyone to be more authentic."

The Men's Fire Circle gets together in the evening on a monthly basis, in Greensborough, a suburb of Melbourne, in the state of Victoria, Australia. To look up the website with all the details of upcoming gatherings, as well as the option of registering for e-mail alerts of the meetings, go to: http://www.meetup.com/Mens-Fire-Circle-Greensborough-Victoria/